Birth Story

I am so sorry I have neglected you for so long.  It has been nearly impossible to schedule baby, school, and life... but it has been an amazing ride so far!  So, here is my super long birth story...

Thursday, June 17th, around 11:30am I started feeling a little crampy. I didn't really think anything of it until I started having tinges of pink in my discharge. Throughout the day, the blood increased. The cramps still didn't really hurt, but by about 3:00pm they were 5 minutes apart. I held off on calling the doctor's office until 4:00pm because I didn't really believe I was in labor. I could still talk, walk, etc and I just didn't think they were contractions.
The nurse actually laughed at me when I called, as if I was in denial about being in labor! She told me to go to L&D to get checked out. J was at work and couldn't make it home any quicker than 5:00pm. At the time, it didn't seem like a big deal. I truly believed that we would get to the hospital, get checked, and be sent home. Around 5:00 I went next door to his parents' house to say goodbye to my dog (he was hanging out with them for the afternoon). I think the walk over really turned up the heat on my "contractions." By then I was in a good bit of pain. MIL made me some toast because I hadn't eaten lunch.

J got home and showered, and we were on the road by 5:30. He started timing my contractions and they were 3 minutes apart... and we were still an hour away from the hospital. The ride was pretty awful, but we got to the hospital and were in a room by 7:00.
L&D was super busy and an ER nurse gave me my IV. She blew a vein in my right arm before finally getting the IV in my hand. It hurt, but not nearly as bad as the contractions. The doctor came in and checked me and I was 4cm, 90%, and -2.
The contractions sucked, BAD. They were finally able to give me the epidural at 9:30. It didn't hurt, and took away the pain with the TEST dose. They had to cut it down about 20%. Who knew I would be such a light weight! When people describe it as heavenly, they are dead right. It was. I was finally able to relax a little. They did have to put me on an extrememly low dose of pitocin because the epi kind of stalled the contractions a little.
Our families came in and visited with us until about 11:00pm when J and I decided to take naps and get a little bit of rest before the big show. The doctor wanted to check me one more time before we went to sleep. She said, "You are never going to believe this. It is time to push." I started shaking violently because I was so nervous!!! J was wonderful encouragement through the two hours of pushing. I couldn't feel anything. I kept hitting my leg and apologizing to the nurse because I thought I was hitting her!
The doc did have to give me an episiotomy, but only about a quarter of an inch. Afterward, the baby came right out. J got very choked up when he told me that it was a boy. Jake was born at 1:01am on June 18th and was 7lbs 4oz, 20 3/4 inches. He didn't cry right at first and they thought he might be having a little trouble breathing. I had developed a fever over the two hours of 102.1. Jake also had a slight fever at first.
I was sewn up and given a fundal massage, which I also couldn't feel, and was able to hold Jake after about 30 minutes. I breastfed him for the first week, but because of his eating schedule and having his days and nights mixed up I have had to resort to pumping. It has made life much easier. We have also had to supplement with some formula because I am not making enough milk to keep him satisfied. That has been very disappointing, but the important thing is that my baby is fed and happy.
I'm not going to lie. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Our lives have been turned upside down, but it is worth it. Jake is just precious. I cried all the way home from the hospital because I was so scared. I didn't sleep for the first two nights at home because I was petrified that he would stop breathing. All in all, I was a complete zombie for the first week, but it has gotten much better. I'm not sure why, but I also had NO appetite. I really think that is what had such a negative effect on my milk production. The baby blues are no joke. It has been rough, but Jake is wonderful. I promise I will post pics later!
I have no clue if this birth story is complete. I may go back and look at it later and realize that I left out something important. Over all, I can not emphasize enough how completely amazing my husband has been. He has taken such good care of me and Jake. Recovery has not been easy, but not nearly has hard as I thought it would be.

Oh yeah, and I finally took pictures of the kitchen!  Maybe I'll get around to posting them soon... hopefully!

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program

Good news!  Baby J has only dropped slightly more from my last appointment and everything else is about the same.  Bottom line, I'm not on bed rest and Baby still sounds good!  YAY!

You may all breathe a sigh of relief now.  Kidding, but seriously I appreciate the good thoughts and prayers!

I'm trapped in a glass case of emotion

And I'm about to buy myself a one way ticket to the crazy house.  I can call it that because I've had relatives there, y'all... more on that later, maybe.

Anyway, I just don't feel quite right.  For example, I can breathe.  Most people don't see this as a problem, in fact they appreciate it.  However, I am cursing my body because I have a feeling it means that my baby has dropped a little more.  No more heartburn, no more feeling like I am going to explode after eating just one cupcake- because really, who eats just ONE cupcake?

I'm also pretty swollen today.  My rings were very difficult to get off when I got up this morning and my shoes were hard to get on.  The scale showed that I have gained 7 pounds in like 3 days.  Okay, so maybe this has more to do with the fact that I ate Chinese food last night and I'm retaining water like a sonofabitch?  Details.  Whatever.

So, I'm anxious.  Methinks there is a possibility that the doc may decide I need to stay off of my feet to help ensure that the leetle one doesn't make his debut too early.  And it scares the hell out of me to think about what happens if he does.  Will he be healthy?  Will he have to stay in the hospital long?  Because we live an hour away from the hospital and that would be pure torture.  I will do anything I can to keep my baby safe and healthy, even if I have to be on bed rest until my due date, June 25th.  But, I digress...

(Sorry, but does that phrase now make you think of the FedEx presentation commercial?  It makes me laugh!  Now back to me.)

As I was saying, I just don't feel good.  My hips hurt, I'm not sleeping as well, and I pretty much feel like I've been kicked in the crotch.  Something just doesn't feel right, so now to top it off I have this foreboding sense of being put on bed rest for at least the next three weeks.

And finally, as if my child's health and my finances weren't enough... because let's face it, I would not work another day at this job if it weren't for money... I'm also staring graduation dead in the eye and knowing that if I am put on bed rest that I can kiss my MBA goodbye for at least another 7 months.  And all I have to do is finish this one class that lasts 7 weeks in the summer.  What a pisser.

The appointment is in 23ish hours.  Keep your fingers crossed for a healthy baby and no bed rest!  Or else I swear I will update you every day on the latest happenings of the Jerry Springer show and Montel Williams.  Hmmm, do those even come on anymore?  But I digress...  ::gigglesnort:: 

Looney bin, y'all.

Lesson learned

Remember the post where I talked about all of the things I "can't wait" for?  Well, it turns out that I actually CAN wait.  As in, two days ago I was told there was a possibility my baby could be coming in two weeks.  A minor freakout, along with some bed rest, was involved.

I started having some contractions late Tuesday afternoon, although I wasn't entirely sure that A. that is definitely what they were or B. that it wasn't somewhat normal at this stage.  I went to bed that night a little uncomfortable, but nothing that worried me too much.

Wednesday morning I seemed fine, until I headed to work.  On my hour and a half commute, I started having them again.  I wasn't really counting because I was busy manuevering through traffic, but I knew it wasn't normal.  They slowed down when I got to work, but picked up again shortly thereafter.

At 9:21 I started keeping notes of when I was having them.  9:21, 9:28, 9:35, 9:58, 10:06, 10:13... it was time to call the doctor.  As I figured, they had me come in.  I sat for 20 minutes for a Non-Stress Test, which proved that I was having minor contractions.  The longer I sat still and relaxed, the more they eased up, but I still had five in that 20 minute period.

Oh, and did I mention that my blood pressure was up?  Normally, it runs around 100/60, but this morning it was 122/80.  Not alarmingly high by any means, but still high for me.  The doctor did an internal to see if I was dilated and also did a swab test (fibrosomethingorother).  She said my cervix was still closed, but was irritated... much like the rest of me was at that point.  I kid. 

The results from the swab test would not be in until later that evening, possibly the next morning.  This test would tell whether the sac had started to separate from the uterine wall, or something like that.  Basically, whether or not the baby was in danger of being delivered in the next two weeks.  I was ordered to be on strict bed rest immediately until we had the results.

I will not bore you with the details of my bed rest because it was BO-RING.  Seriously.  Bed rest is not for me, thankyouverymuch.  And if I have to go back on for some reason, or if this kid comes early, he or she will literally be grounded from birth. 

Thankfully, the test was negative! ::big sigh of relief::  Because my blood pressure was still elevated and I was still having a few contractions, I had to stay home yesterday.  Now I'm back at work, and the news isn't all good.  I've been told to keep track of my BP, and luckily my ILs have this nifty leetle machine that will take it for me.  I've taken it a couple of times today and it had gotten pretty high again after getting back to normal yesterday evening.

Keep your fingers crossed that the contractions stay away for a few more weeks... both for Baby J's health and for my sanity.  I'm ready for him or her to be here, but not now.  Besides, what am I going to blog about if I'm sitting on my ass at home all day?  I'm sure y'all don't want recaps of the latest happenings on The Young & The Restless.

I have friends, cameras aren't one of them

I have decided that I like showers, and I dislike cameras.  Methinks I look like a whale in most pictures.  That is fine, of course, but I just wish I was one of those cute pregnant girls (like my friend Pippy).  Instead, I get the skin of a 13 year old and a tank ass.  And I don't mean tank ass in a good way.

So I walk in the front door of my cousin's house and she says, "Wow, look at you!"  And I immdiately look down at my belly and say something along the lines of "thanks" or "I know."  I'm not really sure what I said.  And she replies, "Thaaat's not what I was referring to."  Yes, the girls are huge.  I know.

Although I was utterly exhausted before I even managed to set foot inside the door, the day was wonderful.  I have a great family and they really did too much.  Baby Jacks was greatly celebrated and came home with some very nice gifts, including a handmade afghan from my brother's girlfriend.  I was seriously impressed.  The girl took time out of doing research for her PhD to learn how to knit from a book.  I wish I had that kind of initiative.  Oh well, maybe in my next lifetime.

Because I am usually so slack with pictures, I was determined to do better even though it made me late for work this morning... and I'm obviously getting a lot accomplished since I'm blogging, right? 

Me with my lovely Mama

30 weeks!

I can't wait!

Lately, I find myself saying "I can't wait" about something child related almost every day.  For example:

• I can't wait to see my baby.
• I can't wait to find out if it is a boy or a girl.
• I can't wait to buy cute little outfits and spend a ridiculous amount of money on said outfits.
• I can't wait until maternity leave.
• I can't wait until our first Christmas with the baby.
• I can't wait until I can sleep through the night.
• I can't wait until I can fit into my old clothes.
• I can't wait to rock my baby to sleep.
• I can't wait until I can enjoy a glass of wine with my husband.

This list could go on forever.  And each time I think or say these things, I have to remind myself to slow down.  Yes, those things will be great.  And eventually I will do each one of them.

But for today, in this moment, I need to remember to enjoy it.  I need to remember to enjoy these last few weeks that I have left.  And I guess I will conclude this post with my list of Things I Hope I Always Remember (2nd Trimester).

• The first baby kicks.
• The first time J felt the baby kick.  And yes, he laughed.
• How scary it was having those first pains from the kidney stone and being more worried for my child than I was for myself.  And feeling like I would rather deal with the pain than hear my baby's heart rate drop because of the drugs.
• How amazing my husband was and how calm he was when I was hurting so badly and when we were in the hospital.  He held my hand the whole time and even took me to the bathroom because I was so drugged that I couldn't go by myself.
• Seeing our baby at the 20 week ultrasound and finding out that s/he was healthy and growing perfectly.  And how hard it was to tell them that we did not want to find out the sex!
• Watching my belly get larger each week and seeing how my husband just adores it.
• My mom crying the first time she felt the baby kick.
• Duke laying his head on my belly every night before bed.
• Being startled because the baby kicked me so hard in the ribs that it made me jump.
• Feeling like the baby was trying to climb out of my throat.
• Getting my first "stranger comments" because I finally looked pregnant.

Every moment of this pregnancy has been a blessing.  I consider us to be extremely fortunate and I do not ever want to look back and feel that I took one minute for granted.

99 days and a lesson in mommyhood

Down to double digits.  I am very pleased and yet sad to be able to say that.  Yesterday, Little J was moving around and I could actually see it from the outside, just slight movements.  And then a whopping big kick when I started laughing.  Seeing that baby move is nothing short of miraculous.  And yet, it made me a little sad.  I am so curious and excited to meet him or her, but I now know exactly how much I am going to miss these movements and little kicks.  I am going to miss this time that I have my baby all to myself to enjoy and laugh with.  Only 99 more days....

I have also realized that gone are the days of it being just me, J, and Duke.  Everything has already changed.  This little one must be thought of in every decision we make.  So how exactly did I learn this lesson?  I went to bed last night around my same time, 9pm and yes I know those days are coming to an end (99 days, duh).  The phone rang, waking me from the deepest of sleeps, at approximately 10:40pm.  I was furious!  Not only because I had been startled from my sleep, but so had Little J.  Oh yes.  That baby kicked for probably about the next hour.  Undoubtedly, because we had both been woken up and are both incredibly grumpy when woken.  The baby isn't here yet, and already we are learning so much.

Last appointment in 2nd Tri

Aaaaahhhhh!!!  Where the hell is the time going?  Someone please remind me to breathe.  I think I have been so focused on schoolwork that I have lost track of time.  I did finish my research project, though!

My appointment today was pretty uneventful, which is a good thing.  The doctor was running extremely late and kept me waiting for about 45 minutes.  Oh well, what can you do?  It did kind of irritate me that she just zoomed in and tried really hard to zoom out.  Sorry sista, I gots questions.

Anyway, I'm still measuring on time and the baby's heart rate was 148.  And for the first time EVAH, my weight was right where it needed to be... bring on the chocolate! 

Hershey Hugs and Reese Cups... my flavors of the month

But as I mentioned, I did have some questions.  Like, what the hell is up with my belly button?  Not because it is getting flat, but because after 5 or so months of not have a belly ring it has decided to become somewhat infected (not in a scary gross way, just annoying).  Also, why do my upper legs feel like I've run a marathon by the time I get home every day.  I knew the answer to that one, just thought I'd throw it out there.  And can the baby reach my ribs yet?  Because I think he broke one last night.

I know, none of that was really important.  However, I should get more than just a 30 second drive by after I've been waiting for 45 minutes, right?  Maybe?  No?  Am I gaining a false sense of entitlement?  Meh, whatever.

Next appointment is in three weeks instead of the usual four since my doc will be out of town.  Oh, and I get to drink the sensational glucola drink that I've heard so much about *feigns excitement*  

I will have the pleasure of savoring the deliciousness of the fruit punch glucola drink.

On second thought, maybe I should hold off on those Hugs and Reese Cups....

The BIG U/S!

No, we did not find out the sex.  Now that the big question is answered, on to the fun stuff!  My teeny leetle Baby J:

"Shut it people, I'm trying to sleep!"

How ridiculously cute is that?  Okay, I'm biased.  The tech gave me an abundance of pictures, as well as a video, but I will not overwhelm you with more cuteness than one person should ever have to endure, mmkay?

Anyway, the important stuff... everything was measuring perfectly.  I was told that my baby has a perfectly shaped head, a strong heart, and nice spinal cord.  The face looked great, as did all of the other organs and apendages we were able to see.  The tech did get a look at the goods, but the answer to the big questions will not be revealed until June 25th-ish.  Well, that is, unless we get uber-curious and must know.  The answer lies in a sealed envelope in the doc's office.

In other news, my doctor also referred me to a urologist because I'm still have some pain in my kidneys.  Apparently, I have some sort of malfunction that can happen when you are pregnant.  Please do not ask me to repeat the name because I have no clue what it is called... hyrdo-narsomethinoranother, whatever.  It seems to be worse on the right side, which is funny because most of my pain is on the left side.  I likened it to being kicked in the kidney by a steel-toed boot.  No fun.

But you know what is fun?  My precious doctor suggested that I relieve some of the pain by having a prenatal massage.  I love that woman.  J is all for it.  He said whatever keeps his baby (the child, not me) fat and happy.  Yes, he said fat.  I assume that is not in reference to the weight that I have gained.  The nurse said that overall I had only gained 11 lbs so far.  I'm not sure how they chose their baseline, but methinks their calculations are off.  However, 11 seems acceptable, so we will go with that. 

Maybe J praised the idea of the massage because I had just shot him a dirty look for calling me his "cute little buddha."  Hmmm....

Introducing... Baby Jacks!

My sweet little squirmy baby...

J and I went today for our second appointment.  We had to wait forever, but it was totally worth it.

Right off the bat we had to sign paperwork agreeing to what we would be paying the doc's office. It wasn't too bad, but if I lose my job we are screwed because my deductible will go from $2000 to $5000 (because it would be me and J on his plan).
Anyway, my doc was running late because she had an emergency at the hospital.  When she did come in she gave me a lecture, a nice one, on the immediate need to eliminate stress. I didn't mention this before because I wasn't sure what it was, but she thinks that (based on my description) I have experienced a couple of contractions. This is obviously not good at 13 weeks. She asked if I wanted medication to deal with my anxiety, but I turned it down. She asked if there was anything she could do and even mentioned me quitting my job, which I don't think is going to be an option. Of course, I cried through most of this conversation. Not sobbing, but just teary-ish.
She then brought in the doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. She told me that because of the position she may not be able to find it, and not to stress over it. Haha. When she couldn't find it, the waterworks started again. The battery in the doppler started dying so she said screw it, let's do an ultrasound.
I was really scared, but at the same time knew it was somewhat normal. The tech found the baby right away and the first thing he did was kick the shit out of me. J and I both laughed, and I immediately felt better. And, you guessed it, I cried again.  The baby wouldn't stop wiggling, and the tech said it was no wonder the doc couldn't find the heartbeat!
 
So there you have it.  My baby is  happy and active!  And I could not be happier... or less stressed.

First appointment!

Let me just tell you, I was an absolute nervous wreck yesterday.  I even teared up before we walked in to the doctor's office because I was just so scared that something would be wrong.  Almost as if this entire pregnancy was just in my head and I had gotten myself all worked up over nothing.  Crazy, huh?

J and I waited for (what seemed like an eternity) about 10 minutes before we were called back to the ultrasound room.  It was an external exam.  As soon as we saw the baby, J started laughing.  He asked questions the whole time.  I just watched the monitor in silence.  It was the most amazing, indescribable thing I have ever witnessed.  It was like watching a movie because it was so surreal.  There is no way that the little thing on the screen was inside of me.  The little body, the little flickering heart, they were the most beautiful things I've ever seen.  And yes, I cried.  Just a little.

Baby J is measuring right on time at 8w5d with a strong heartbeat of 178.  I believe I could have watched that monitor forever.  The tech was measuring my ovaries, and the cysts that formed due to the pregnancy, and I was trying to jedi mind fuck her into moving back to the baby.  She printed out four pictures, which I stare at as if they are somehow going to move or change.

The rest of the appointment was not nearly as exciting.  I got my H1N1 vaccine, whoopee.  After a regular exam, we discussed a few things with the doctor, including the fact that I will give birth in one of the birthing suites at the brand new state-of-the-art hospital.  Yay!  And then it was over.  We walked away with our pictures and our New Mommy bag.  And once again, it just doesn't seem real.  I have the proof that it is, but I expected to somehow feel differently.  That will come with time, I guess.

I was a little surprised that we didn't sit down and chat about the do's and don'ts.  The doc was mostly concerned with my water intake due to my headaches and dizziness.  The solution, drink more water.  To clarify, "more" means enough water to fill a small swimming pool.  Ugh.  My next appointment will be for a check up and to meet with the patient educator. 

But what an amazing day.  What an amazing experience.  It was one of those firsts that you can never get back, but that will never leave you.  I saw my child for the first time.  Wow.  And then J took me to lunch and I ate a mushroom cheddar burger that was the size of my head.

And then there was...

Silence?  Not really what I expected from our big announcement.  We had it all planned out perfectly, but what we could not plan for was the reaction (or non-reaction) from our parents.  My brother and his girlfriend came over early, as we needed them to take pictures for us.  My brother, whom I fully expected to respond to the news with a shrug and "cool," showed a wider range of emotion than anyone else.  And he just smiled... and said "cool."

Our parents got to our house around 2:00pm.  I could not contain myself, so I decided that we would go ahead with our surprise.  We had ordered a cake that said "Happy Birthday Grandparents."  We sang and presented them with the cake.  And then there was... silence.  Yep.  That is all.

J's mother finally asked if we were celebrating something else.  I answered yes, and she let out a yelp of excitment, ran over and hugged me.  Then J's father hugged me and said "oh yeah, happy anniversary."  No, no, NO!!!  What is wrong with you people!!???  Then my mother says that she knew, that she could tell in the last week by things that I said.  Whatev.  I think it was a well educated guess.  However, she had picked up a little Mom-to-Be Hallmark angel for me.  Very cute and the one indication that she was excited.  I think it took the wind out of her sails that she wasn't the first to know.  My dad took a few minutes to understand what was going on, but he was excited, too. 

Overall, it did not go as planned, but what ever does?  Our parents are all thrilled beyond belief, even though it took them a few minutes to process the information.  It was a nice afternoon and I felt free to eat all the birthday cake I wanted.

J's Big Birthday Present

As you can already tell, I am not very good at keeping you apprised of the details of my life.  Oh well, that's how I roll.  So, in folllow up to my little testing tidbit from last week... drumroll please!

Okay, so it is kind of hard to see, but it is there!  I finally got out of bed at 5:00am on Monday because I had slept very little the night before.  All night I kept dreaming that I was up and peeing on sticks, so why the hell not just do it?  I will tell you why.  Because I was nervous as fuck.  Sorry, there is no putting it mildly.  I went in the bathroom and paced for a good five minutes before getting on with it.  I honestly don't even know what the one with the lines said because the digital popped up pretty quickly. 

I was absolutely shaking and had to go sit in the living room before attempting to cook breakfast for J.  He had requested a birthday feast of steak, onions, and hashbrowns; however, I was in no way interested in losing a finger, so I calmed down a bit before I got to slicing and dicing.

He woke up at 6:00am and I gave him his birthday card.  Then I gave him a cute little onesie that said "Little Monkey."  Trust me, not really how I thought I would tell him, but I was completely at a loss for words.  The words I'm Pregnant completely escaped me.  Go figure.  I actually do have a picture of his reaction, but I have not decided if I want to post it or not.  Sorry to be a tease, but I may decide to just keep that one between the two of us.  Or I may get over it and post it.  J just kept smiling all morning.  It was good to see him so happy on his birthday.