Okay, I've made a decision

And I hope you will all stick with me.  I'm going to start a new blog.  When I started this one, I wanted something for myself.  It was never intended to share with family and friends.  For some reason, I think I want to do things a little differently now.  I've already discussed it with J and he is interested, so I think I'm going to just do it.

I didn't really know what to expect with this blog, and I'm honestly not sure what to expect with a new one other than the fact that people who know me IRL will know about it.  There have been times that I have shared maybe a little more than I would have if I knew that people who knew me were reading (and yes, I understand that I took a risk by putting it out there in the first place).

With all of that said, my new blog is going to be a little different. I will still be sharing personal information, just probably not as detailed as I have been at times.  Also, I plan to talk a lot about products I like, recipes, books I've read, shoes, and a lot of other things that I never got to on this blog.

I'm really hoping that you will like it!  And if you don't, I really hope you will kick me in the ass and tell me that I screwed up.  I'm also not deleting this blog in case I decide to come back to it... though I'm not sure how that would work.

I'm going to start setting things up today and hopefully be online in the next couple of weeks.  I will definitely still be posting here in the meantime.  Oh, and my new blog is going to be pretty!  In other words, I'm having someone design it for me!

So, what do you say?  Are you coming?  Please don't make me beg! 

Random Thoughts

Just a few random thoughts for the day:

• I still haven't decided what to do about my blog.  However, I've been told that the current background makes it a little hard to read, so I'm going to work on that... hopefully tomorrow.
• If you would like to follow me on Twitter, I'm @ajakz.
• Jake needs a Halloween costume and I need ideas.
• I still haven't posted pictures of Jake's room because it still isn't finished.  J and I wanted to hang the mirror and a couple of other things last weekend, BUT we couldn't find the mirror.  How do you lose a mirror? 
• I never did the Things I Hope I Always Remember for my 3rd trimester.  I've probably already forgotten everything  ::sigh::

Hope everyone had a great Tuesday!  And my Twitter updates are even more random than this list.  Especially when wine is involved.

I'm thinking again...

Part of me is thinking of finding someone to help me revamp my entire blog.  Part of me is considering scrapping this whole thing and starting over.  I mean, let's face it, there isn't really much on here that is worth keeping.  Would y'all follow me to the new blog? 

I'll keep thinking and y'all let me know what you think.  If I start over, and maybe if I don't, I'm really hoping to ramp it up.  You know, cool stuff like giveaways, etc. 

What?!  You don't believe me???  I guess it is hard to believe since I can't even manage to implement some sort of continuity to my posts.  Hmmmmm... I'll keep thinking.

Hope y'all had a great weekend and are having a wonderful Monday!

My Humps

First of all, my lovely lady lumps are subsiding due to the fact that I am no longer pumping.  GASP.  I know, it is a sin to some.  But my child is right at three months and has enough in storage to go a little longer.  It was just too difficult with my long ass commute and work.  I'm sure he will be fine.

Anyway, back to my humps.  I gained weight everywhere when I was pregnant.  A lot of people swore that I was having a girl, due to my roundness.  Alas, it was not meant to be and I was gaining fat.  Whatever.  I will not apologize for the cheesecake and cupcakes and candy... not even to my large booty.  And I don't do the Kim Kardashian look well.

At the end of maternity leave I started the 30 day shred and incorporated some p90x in with it.  Maybe it kick started a little weight loss, I'm not sure.  The scale didn't really budge.  Then I started loosely following Weight Watchers.  I've only lost a few pounds, BUT.....

Y'all, I can almost fit back in my jeans.  I am so SUPER excited.  They don't button and they are still really tight, but I can get them on.  YAAAAYYYYY!!!  Oh, I guess I should mention that these are my bigger jeans.  They are a size 6 and I used to wear a 4.  I miss my 4's, but Jake was, is, and always will be worth it.  Even if I never wear the 4's again.  I'm totally cool with 6.

And if that wasn't good enough, my husband text me earlier and told me that I looked "fire ass hot" today.  He has such a way with words ::swoon::  It feels good to feel good about myself again.

Baby Blues

*I wrote this entry a while back, but never could bring myself to post it.  It was hard to write.  However, it was a major part of my experience, so I decided to share.

The first 10 or so days of Jake's life are a complete blur.  I've never been so happy and yet so miserable in my life.  I looked at him and knew that I loved him, but I didn't feel like I was capable of taking care of him the way he deserved.

As I mentioned in my birth story, I couldn't eat.  I also couldn't sleep.  The first two nights, I put him to sleep in the FP Rock 'n Play and stared at him for hours.  My parents were staying with us and I insisted that someone be watching Jake at all times.  My worst fear throughout my pregnancy was that he would stop breathing and I would lose him.  It still scares me.

My hormones were raging for that first week or two.  When I slept, it was for about two hours at a time.  I would wake up and jump out of bed to check on my baby.  I would be drenched in sweat, as would my sheets.  Then I would be freezing.  The temperature in the house stayed set on 78 because I was so cold while I was awake.

The crying was probably the worst.  Or more accurately, the toll my crying took on everyone else.  I would look at J and see the desparation in his eyes.  His wife was seemingly falling apart and he didn't know what to do.  He considered calling my doctor, but at that point I realized that I had to do something to help myself, even if it was to try to ignore the way I was feeling and try to feel "normal."

I felt like a complete failure, and Jake's crying rang in my ears.  I could hear it in the shower.  I could hear it when I was in my room with two fans on full blast, hiding under the covers and praying that the bed would swallow me and I would just disappear.  I loved my son, but I couldn't understand what had compelled me to think that I could handle having a baby.

Still, when I looked at his sweet face it all felt worth it.  I knew in my heart that I would be better and that I would be the mother that he needed, no matter how I felt inside.  Thankfully, these "baby blues" only lasted about two weeks.  I look back on those few days and it makes me sad to have felt that way, but I know that it is something that most women face post-partum.

My son is wonderful and thriving!  At his two week checkup he was up to 8 pounds and almost 11 pounds at his two month.  The clothes that completely swallowed him early on now fit perfectly.  My baby is already growing up! 

Daddy's Little Helper

I'm back at work

Everything is as I left it.  And it still sucks.  Oh well, enough about that.  I'm back to my blog and that is good enough for now.  Unfortunately, I still have a lot of catching up to do at work, so the post today won't have a lot of substance to it. 

Yesterday was a trial run at day care.  Jake cried when I left.   That little lower lip stuck out and trembled.  I lost it, but at least I waited until I was in my car.  He is just so stinkin' cute and I can't stand the thought of him being upset... especially if I'm the cause of it.  Heartbreaking.

He just seemed confused today.  And yes, I know that at a couple of days shy of 12 weeks he really doesn't know what is going on.  However, it makes me feel good to think that he misses me.

I can't wait to get home.  It is kind of nice doing something a little different for a change, but I still despise my job and would much rather be playing with Jake.  Maybe WHEN I get a new job I will be a little more okay with being away for him for so long.  Or maybe not.  Either way, I have got to get to the job hunting. 

So, on my to do list there are numerous blog related items.  First, find a new background.  Again, I welcome any suggestions!  Then I'm going to post something interesting... Ha!  Okay, for serious, I'm thinking about doing some sort of giveaway.  There are only a few of you actually reading this, so your chances are very good! 

Have a good Wednesday, y'all!  I'll be back tomorrow.  Smiley faces!!!

Change of plans

So... I was supposed to go back to work today.  I planned on going back after only 11 weeks, so that I could start on the first of the month.  Well, I changed my mind.  Not that I couldn't bear the thought of going back, although it certainly will be hard.  I just haven't had the time that I needed to put my best effort in to finding a new job.

J actually made the decision for me, sweet man.  We went ahead and sent Jake to daycare and I've gotten busy working towards my new career.  I'm making a little bit of progress.

And what does this mean for the blog?  It simply means that you will all be overwhelmed with numerous posts from me starting next Wednesday!  I might even be posting two or three times a day.  It has been a long time since I've posted anything interesting, but boy do I have some stories to tell.  Some good, some not so good... some downright scary and I'm a little afraid to put them in writing.

Ooooohhh, the suspense!  I'm sure it is killing you ::eye roll::  Anyway, I am looking forward to it and I hope you are, too.  I've missed this!  See you in a week!!!