The 3-Hour

My three hour glucose test really wasn't terrible.  I mean, if you can get past having your arm stabbed four times and almost dying of sugar overload, lack of sustenance, and massive withdrawls of blood.  But whatevs.

This day was... interesting.  And that, my friends, is one hell of an understatement.  I don't even know if I can convey the hilarity that ensued, but I will give it a shot.

To begin, I did not have an appointment.  Well, I mean, I made an appointment.  They just didn't write it down.  But never fear!  Albertha will take care of her baby!  I would be the baby and Albertha would be the lovely Jamaican woman who tried not to put her baby in too much pain.  And yes, she seriously referred to me as "my baby" the entire three hours. 

For example, "Oh baby, how long did it take you to drive here?  On no baby!  Oh my baby, but we have another office closer to you baby.  And what is my baby going to do afterward?  Well, I'm going to take good care of my baby."  This went on for the entire three hours.

It was actually quite pleasant.  These days you get so used to the fact that most people can't bother to be nice that when someone really is nice you kind of have to savor the moment.  Albertha was awesome.  So awesome that I didn't even cuss when she stabbed me that final time.  It hurt like a bitch.

Oh, and I'll leave you with one more gem from Albertha.  After my second draw, she walked into the room across the hall.  As I was examining my wound, I heard her call out, "Baby, do you need your diaper changed?"  I quickly looked up and glanced around only to realize that she was speaking to ME.  Umm, what?  Does she think that I pooped myself or something?  I must have had an extremely distressed look on my face because Albertha laughed and asked if I needed to go to the restroom.  Didn't I tell you my day was interesting?

And in case you are wondering, I don't have my results back yet.  But just in case, I went home after my test and had a slice of coconut cake, and small taste of chocolate cake, and a popsicle, and a mini Cadbury egg.  Yeah, it sounds gross now when I see it in print.  But hey, you never know, right?