Don't Make Me Spank You

Yeah, I'm talking to you!  We are rocking out over at AJ in the Left Lane.  Seriously, free booze.

Okay, maybe no free booze, but you are welcome to bring your own.  http://ajleftlane.blogspot.com/

Come on over and say HI!

Reminder!

Hey y'all!  Don't forget to come see me over in the Left Lane!  I've got some fun stuff coming up... promise :)

http://ajleftlane.blogspot.com/

See you there!

Sneak Preview!

Seriously, it is November 1st... and I'm actually doing something on time.  Bear with me because there isn't much there quite yet.  Kind of an upgraded version of this blog. 

I'm nervous and hoping and praying that I will do better with the new blog than I have with this one.  My friends and family actually know about the new one, as opposed to this one, so this should be fun!

Let me know what you think!  http://ajleftlane.blogspot.com/

I'm hoping that you will all continue to follow me.  I sincerely appreciate you reading my ramblings over the past year or so.  Thank you, and I hope to see you over in the Left Lane!

XOXO

Good News!

I know I have been completely absent pretty much the entire month.  If it helps, I have been working on my new blog.  I'm hoping to kick things off on Nov. 1st (this is the good news, ohbytheway)!  So stay tuned for the details.  It will be a little different from this one.  Not as much bitching and moaning, more fun.  Well, at least that is the intention.  Time will tell!

Oh yeah, and I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis.  Feel sorry for me?  I wish I could say that is my excuse for being so lazy lately.  And today is my 2nd anniversary.... and I'm sick.  Now do you feel sorry for me?

Jake Update

As much as I talk about Jake, I haven't really given an update on what he has been up to lately.  He goes back to the doctor for his four month check up and shots on October 18th.  Holy hell, did I just say four months?!  ZOMG.  Where has the time gone???

Anyway, I'm guessing he is around 13 pounds now.  He is laughing and "talking" ALL the time.  My heart feels like it will burst every time I see that huge, flirty smile.  He already has to fight off the ladies.  I can only imagine what trouble we will have on our hands in a few years!

I never thought I would be one to let me child watch tv at such a young age, but he loves Baby Einstein and Wonder Pets on Nick, Jr.  We limit his tv time to about 30 minutes to an hour, depending on the day and the time.  He talks to the tv almost as much as he talks to the mobile in his crib.

And speaking of his crib, he rarely fusses anymore when we put him down to bed.  We have established a great nighttime routine that consists of bathtime, storytime, and saying his prayers before we cut his mobile on and kiss him goodnight.  He gets pretty antsy during storytime- not sure if it is an aversion to Alice in Wonderland (J's pick, not mine) or if he is just ready to stretch out and go to sleep.

Mornings are his best time of day.  He is so incredibly happy!  When J or I peek into the crib he always looks surprised before a big grin spreads over his face.  He started sleeping through the night around 12 weeks, so I'm guessing all of that good sleep makes it easier to wake up in a good mood.

He has great control over his head and is really starting to show some strength during tummy time.  Sophie is his new favorite toy and he laughs like crazy whenever she sqeaks.  I was amazed the first time he actually reached out and tried to grab her.  He also loves his yellow taggie blanket.  We don't leave him alone when he has it, but he loves snuggling with it.

One thing that hasn't changed- he is never as happy and content as he is when he is in Mama or Daddy's arms.  He knows we are his, and that he is always safe with us.  It seems that every day he does something new.  I used to think that parents were crazy when they said that.  No way a kid can do something EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  But y'all, I swear most days it seems true.

Changes made

Hopefully, my blog no longer looks like a drug-induced haze of purple polka dots, so you all can continue reading my ramblings.  Not that there has been much to read as of late.  I could give you a host of excuses, but I won't bore you any further.
My sinuses are acting up from being outside all weekend.  We had Campmeeting (link for whole label), oh boy.  Usually, I have fun, but not so much this year.  Probably because I can no longer go eat, drink, and be merry.  I was really worried about how Jake would handle everything.  He hated it.  I'm guessing he was just completely overwhelmed by all of the sights and sounds.  Not only that, but now he is a little congested.  I feel bad for him.  But OH MAH GAWD he looked so ridiculously cute in his little camo fleece.  And not really suprisingly I forgot to take pictures.  Oh, and you probably won't see pictures of the big Sunday- like last year- because I look horrible.  No lie.

So, I figured since I won't be sharing any of those pics, I will show you some random picture that I just downloaded.

J and I before his cousin's wedding (please excuse the mess that is our house and my super white legs)

 Little J after his first big political event

Sleepy head with his foot sticking out of the crib

Okay, I've made a decision

And I hope you will all stick with me.  I'm going to start a new blog.  When I started this one, I wanted something for myself.  It was never intended to share with family and friends.  For some reason, I think I want to do things a little differently now.  I've already discussed it with J and he is interested, so I think I'm going to just do it.

I didn't really know what to expect with this blog, and I'm honestly not sure what to expect with a new one other than the fact that people who know me IRL will know about it.  There have been times that I have shared maybe a little more than I would have if I knew that people who knew me were reading (and yes, I understand that I took a risk by putting it out there in the first place).

With all of that said, my new blog is going to be a little different. I will still be sharing personal information, just probably not as detailed as I have been at times.  Also, I plan to talk a lot about products I like, recipes, books I've read, shoes, and a lot of other things that I never got to on this blog.

I'm really hoping that you will like it!  And if you don't, I really hope you will kick me in the ass and tell me that I screwed up.  I'm also not deleting this blog in case I decide to come back to it... though I'm not sure how that would work.

I'm going to start setting things up today and hopefully be online in the next couple of weeks.  I will definitely still be posting here in the meantime.  Oh, and my new blog is going to be pretty!  In other words, I'm having someone design it for me!

So, what do you say?  Are you coming?  Please don't make me beg! 

Random Thoughts

Just a few random thoughts for the day:

• I still haven't decided what to do about my blog.  However, I've been told that the current background makes it a little hard to read, so I'm going to work on that... hopefully tomorrow.
• If you would like to follow me on Twitter, I'm @ajakz.
• Jake needs a Halloween costume and I need ideas.
• I still haven't posted pictures of Jake's room because it still isn't finished.  J and I wanted to hang the mirror and a couple of other things last weekend, BUT we couldn't find the mirror.  How do you lose a mirror? 
• I never did the Things I Hope I Always Remember for my 3rd trimester.  I've probably already forgotten everything  ::sigh::

Hope everyone had a great Tuesday!  And my Twitter updates are even more random than this list.  Especially when wine is involved.

I'm thinking again...

Part of me is thinking of finding someone to help me revamp my entire blog.  Part of me is considering scrapping this whole thing and starting over.  I mean, let's face it, there isn't really much on here that is worth keeping.  Would y'all follow me to the new blog? 

I'll keep thinking and y'all let me know what you think.  If I start over, and maybe if I don't, I'm really hoping to ramp it up.  You know, cool stuff like giveaways, etc. 

What?!  You don't believe me???  I guess it is hard to believe since I can't even manage to implement some sort of continuity to my posts.  Hmmmmm... I'll keep thinking.

Hope y'all had a great weekend and are having a wonderful Monday!

My Humps

First of all, my lovely lady lumps are subsiding due to the fact that I am no longer pumping.  GASP.  I know, it is a sin to some.  But my child is right at three months and has enough in storage to go a little longer.  It was just too difficult with my long ass commute and work.  I'm sure he will be fine.

Anyway, back to my humps.  I gained weight everywhere when I was pregnant.  A lot of people swore that I was having a girl, due to my roundness.  Alas, it was not meant to be and I was gaining fat.  Whatever.  I will not apologize for the cheesecake and cupcakes and candy... not even to my large booty.  And I don't do the Kim Kardashian look well.

At the end of maternity leave I started the 30 day shred and incorporated some p90x in with it.  Maybe it kick started a little weight loss, I'm not sure.  The scale didn't really budge.  Then I started loosely following Weight Watchers.  I've only lost a few pounds, BUT.....

Y'all, I can almost fit back in my jeans.  I am so SUPER excited.  They don't button and they are still really tight, but I can get them on.  YAAAAYYYYY!!!  Oh, I guess I should mention that these are my bigger jeans.  They are a size 6 and I used to wear a 4.  I miss my 4's, but Jake was, is, and always will be worth it.  Even if I never wear the 4's again.  I'm totally cool with 6.

And if that wasn't good enough, my husband text me earlier and told me that I looked "fire ass hot" today.  He has such a way with words ::swoon::  It feels good to feel good about myself again.

Baby Blues

*I wrote this entry a while back, but never could bring myself to post it.  It was hard to write.  However, it was a major part of my experience, so I decided to share.

The first 10 or so days of Jake's life are a complete blur.  I've never been so happy and yet so miserable in my life.  I looked at him and knew that I loved him, but I didn't feel like I was capable of taking care of him the way he deserved.

As I mentioned in my birth story, I couldn't eat.  I also couldn't sleep.  The first two nights, I put him to sleep in the FP Rock 'n Play and stared at him for hours.  My parents were staying with us and I insisted that someone be watching Jake at all times.  My worst fear throughout my pregnancy was that he would stop breathing and I would lose him.  It still scares me.

My hormones were raging for that first week or two.  When I slept, it was for about two hours at a time.  I would wake up and jump out of bed to check on my baby.  I would be drenched in sweat, as would my sheets.  Then I would be freezing.  The temperature in the house stayed set on 78 because I was so cold while I was awake.

The crying was probably the worst.  Or more accurately, the toll my crying took on everyone else.  I would look at J and see the desparation in his eyes.  His wife was seemingly falling apart and he didn't know what to do.  He considered calling my doctor, but at that point I realized that I had to do something to help myself, even if it was to try to ignore the way I was feeling and try to feel "normal."

I felt like a complete failure, and Jake's crying rang in my ears.  I could hear it in the shower.  I could hear it when I was in my room with two fans on full blast, hiding under the covers and praying that the bed would swallow me and I would just disappear.  I loved my son, but I couldn't understand what had compelled me to think that I could handle having a baby.

Still, when I looked at his sweet face it all felt worth it.  I knew in my heart that I would be better and that I would be the mother that he needed, no matter how I felt inside.  Thankfully, these "baby blues" only lasted about two weeks.  I look back on those few days and it makes me sad to have felt that way, but I know that it is something that most women face post-partum.

My son is wonderful and thriving!  At his two week checkup he was up to 8 pounds and almost 11 pounds at his two month.  The clothes that completely swallowed him early on now fit perfectly.  My baby is already growing up! 

Daddy's Little Helper

I'm back at work

Everything is as I left it.  And it still sucks.  Oh well, enough about that.  I'm back to my blog and that is good enough for now.  Unfortunately, I still have a lot of catching up to do at work, so the post today won't have a lot of substance to it. 

Yesterday was a trial run at day care.  Jake cried when I left.   That little lower lip stuck out and trembled.  I lost it, but at least I waited until I was in my car.  He is just so stinkin' cute and I can't stand the thought of him being upset... especially if I'm the cause of it.  Heartbreaking.

He just seemed confused today.  And yes, I know that at a couple of days shy of 12 weeks he really doesn't know what is going on.  However, it makes me feel good to think that he misses me.

I can't wait to get home.  It is kind of nice doing something a little different for a change, but I still despise my job and would much rather be playing with Jake.  Maybe WHEN I get a new job I will be a little more okay with being away for him for so long.  Or maybe not.  Either way, I have got to get to the job hunting. 

So, on my to do list there are numerous blog related items.  First, find a new background.  Again, I welcome any suggestions!  Then I'm going to post something interesting... Ha!  Okay, for serious, I'm thinking about doing some sort of giveaway.  There are only a few of you actually reading this, so your chances are very good! 

Have a good Wednesday, y'all!  I'll be back tomorrow.  Smiley faces!!!

Change of plans

So... I was supposed to go back to work today.  I planned on going back after only 11 weeks, so that I could start on the first of the month.  Well, I changed my mind.  Not that I couldn't bear the thought of going back, although it certainly will be hard.  I just haven't had the time that I needed to put my best effort in to finding a new job.

J actually made the decision for me, sweet man.  We went ahead and sent Jake to daycare and I've gotten busy working towards my new career.  I'm making a little bit of progress.

And what does this mean for the blog?  It simply means that you will all be overwhelmed with numerous posts from me starting next Wednesday!  I might even be posting two or three times a day.  It has been a long time since I've posted anything interesting, but boy do I have some stories to tell.  Some good, some not so good... some downright scary and I'm a little afraid to put them in writing.

Ooooohhh, the suspense!  I'm sure it is killing you ::eye roll::  Anyway, I am looking forward to it and I hope you are, too.  I've missed this!  See you in a week!!!

Happy Sunday!

So I'm not really happy with the new background, but it was the best I could do in the few minutes that I had while drinking my coffee.

I'm starting to find little moments in my day that I can take just for me.  Hopefully, that means that I'll be able to write a little more often.  Oh, and I do have a few posts that I've written that I just haven't posted yet... stuff about baby blues and other things that are pretty personal.  I just haven't gotten the balls yet to post them.

Happy Sunday everyone!  Life is good :)

Bear with me

Apparently, I've been gone so long that my background is no longer working.  Anyone got any suggestions for a good site to get a cute, new one?  I can't promise that it will get done soon... gee, imagine that?! 

In other news, I go back to work soon.  Boo!  And when I say soon, I mean that I have about four weeks left.  The good news is that when I go back I will have plenty of time to write.  Especially since I am now finished with school, yay!!!

See y'all soon!

This post took as long as the remodeling!

After months of promising you a look at the kitchen, here it is!  I'm sure I've mentioned before, but we live in J's grandmother's old house.  And when I say old, I mean dinosaurs were probaby still roaming the earth.  In case it is not glaringly obvious, the old kitchen had yellow and green wallpaper with strawberries, the floors were the same green and the countertops were yellow.

And now, the finished product!

Birth Story

I am so sorry I have neglected you for so long.  It has been nearly impossible to schedule baby, school, and life... but it has been an amazing ride so far!  So, here is my super long birth story...

Thursday, June 17th, around 11:30am I started feeling a little crampy. I didn't really think anything of it until I started having tinges of pink in my discharge. Throughout the day, the blood increased. The cramps still didn't really hurt, but by about 3:00pm they were 5 minutes apart. I held off on calling the doctor's office until 4:00pm because I didn't really believe I was in labor. I could still talk, walk, etc and I just didn't think they were contractions.
The nurse actually laughed at me when I called, as if I was in denial about being in labor! She told me to go to L&D to get checked out. J was at work and couldn't make it home any quicker than 5:00pm. At the time, it didn't seem like a big deal. I truly believed that we would get to the hospital, get checked, and be sent home. Around 5:00 I went next door to his parents' house to say goodbye to my dog (he was hanging out with them for the afternoon). I think the walk over really turned up the heat on my "contractions." By then I was in a good bit of pain. MIL made me some toast because I hadn't eaten lunch.

J got home and showered, and we were on the road by 5:30. He started timing my contractions and they were 3 minutes apart... and we were still an hour away from the hospital. The ride was pretty awful, but we got to the hospital and were in a room by 7:00.
L&D was super busy and an ER nurse gave me my IV. She blew a vein in my right arm before finally getting the IV in my hand. It hurt, but not nearly as bad as the contractions. The doctor came in and checked me and I was 4cm, 90%, and -2.
The contractions sucked, BAD. They were finally able to give me the epidural at 9:30. It didn't hurt, and took away the pain with the TEST dose. They had to cut it down about 20%. Who knew I would be such a light weight! When people describe it as heavenly, they are dead right. It was. I was finally able to relax a little. They did have to put me on an extrememly low dose of pitocin because the epi kind of stalled the contractions a little.
Our families came in and visited with us until about 11:00pm when J and I decided to take naps and get a little bit of rest before the big show. The doctor wanted to check me one more time before we went to sleep. She said, "You are never going to believe this. It is time to push." I started shaking violently because I was so nervous!!! J was wonderful encouragement through the two hours of pushing. I couldn't feel anything. I kept hitting my leg and apologizing to the nurse because I thought I was hitting her!
The doc did have to give me an episiotomy, but only about a quarter of an inch. Afterward, the baby came right out. J got very choked up when he told me that it was a boy. Jake was born at 1:01am on June 18th and was 7lbs 4oz, 20 3/4 inches. He didn't cry right at first and they thought he might be having a little trouble breathing. I had developed a fever over the two hours of 102.1. Jake also had a slight fever at first.
I was sewn up and given a fundal massage, which I also couldn't feel, and was able to hold Jake after about 30 minutes. I breastfed him for the first week, but because of his eating schedule and having his days and nights mixed up I have had to resort to pumping. It has made life much easier. We have also had to supplement with some formula because I am not making enough milk to keep him satisfied. That has been very disappointing, but the important thing is that my baby is fed and happy.
I'm not going to lie. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Our lives have been turned upside down, but it is worth it. Jake is just precious. I cried all the way home from the hospital because I was so scared. I didn't sleep for the first two nights at home because I was petrified that he would stop breathing. All in all, I was a complete zombie for the first week, but it has gotten much better. I'm not sure why, but I also had NO appetite. I really think that is what had such a negative effect on my milk production. The baby blues are no joke. It has been rough, but Jake is wonderful. I promise I will post pics later!
I have no clue if this birth story is complete. I may go back and look at it later and realize that I left out something important. Over all, I can not emphasize enough how completely amazing my husband has been. He has taken such good care of me and Jake. Recovery has not been easy, but not nearly has hard as I thought it would be.

Oh yeah, and I finally took pictures of the kitchen!  Maybe I'll get around to posting them soon... hopefully!

Baby Jackson is HERE!

... and it's a BOY! Jacob Lee "Jake" Jackson was born at 1:01am Friday, June 18th. I can't wait to tell y'all my birth story. So far it has been an absolutely wonderful experience. I feel so blessed and so lucky. It was nothing like what I had in my mind, but it was perfect. I could not have asked for anything better.

We are being discharged from the hospital today. I am sure the next few days and/or weeks will be difficult, but I promise I will do my best to make time to tell you all of the details. 

Wish me luck! I feel like we are just starting the adventure of a lifetime! Oh, and of course, I will be drowning you in pictures as soon as I possibly can.  Here are a couple that I took with my phone:

***Sorry if the formatting is a little funky.  I'm not sure what the deal is.

LAST DAY OF WORK!

I'm sorry, but there is just nothing else that I can say that will be greater than those four words.

Oh yeah, and I have an appointment tomorrow, so I'll try to update as quickly as I can... you know, since I'll be HOME and all :)

T minus 10 days, y'all!

Or something like that.  I guess it just depends.  Maybe I should explain.

I had my regular appointment on Wednesday.  It was VERY interesting.  First, I was told that I am 2cm dilated, 70% effaced, and baby is still at -2 station.  Good news, I am progressing!

Then my doctor asked me if we had discussed induction.  You are probably thinking, just as I was, "ummm, no, why?"  My swelling is out of control.  But my blood pressure is still fairly normal, so I didn't understand why we would discuss it.  She said that she believed with the swelling that my BP would continue to go up, so she scheduled me for induction on June 21st.  Holy shit.  That is only 10 days from today. 

I really, REALLY wanted to have that experience of going into labor naturally, but it is nice to know that there is a definite end in sight.  And more importantly, OUR BABY WILL BE HERE IN A LITTLE OVER A WEEK!!! 

I guess I just have mixed feelings about everything.  If my body wasn't already making progress, I would not have agreed to the induction.  And let's not forget that because my body is making progress, that Baby Jackson may decide to make the big debut before the 21st.

Want to know what I don't have mixed feelings about?  Tuesday being my last day of work!  Yippee!!!

I don't wanna!

So, apparently, if you do not eat constantly when you are 37ish weeks pregnant you run the risk of almost passing out in Target and having to go in to the doctor's office and be hooked up to an NST for 20 minutes only to be told that you should be eating more.  Yep, that was one sentence.  And that really happened to me last week.  And I feel stupid.  Oh well, what can you do? 

How awful is it that I lack the motivation to do anything?  Eating included.  I don't want to go to work.  I don't want to go to school.  I don't feel like thinking about what I'm going to put on the walls in the nursery.  I don't want to sit at home on the couch by myself and be bored.

Quite a problem I have here.  Well, not really, considering I have to go to work and school, but you get the idea. 

What I really want to do is be at home spending time with J.  That is literally the ONLY thing that I can honestly say that I want to do right now.  Oh, and sleep.  That would be nice, but unfortunately, it seems to be a thing of the past.

And one more thing to add to the list of things I WANT to do... give birth.  Any time now would be good.

Check me out!

Hey y'all!  I'm guest blogging over at Pippy's Perspective today... I know, right?  Me, guest blogging?!  She has seriously lost her marbles to allow me to do such a thing.  And let me also say that it makes me feel like the new kid in school- very nervous.  Like, I can't even read it and might throw up. 

Anyway, take a few minutes and go check it out- I seriously love her blog and as a bonus she has the most precious pictures of her baby, Pipsqueak!  I'm discussing the whole not finding out the sex of the baby thing.  And there is a too cute picture of leetle outfits that my Mama made (along with a sneak peek of the nursery, in all of its disarray).

Oh, and by the way, I am full term as of Friday!  Yay! 

Have a great day everyone!  And if you are just browsing, thanks to my good friend Pippy, stick around and I'll try not to bore you to tears!

If irritability is a sign of labor...

Then I haz it.  No, seriously, why do you think I haven't posted in a few days?  Because I am in a serious funk.  Okay, maybe not that serious, but a funk nonetheless.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm sitting at work bored out of my mind and knowing that there are so many things I could be doing at home.  Let's have a run down of the things I have yet to finish before the baby gets here...

• Empty baby's bookcase of all of my old crap and put new crap on it
• Remove guest room pics and put up baby room pics
• Put bedding on the crib
• Finish putting up everything I got from my showers
• I'm sure there is something that needs washing
• Put together shelving thingie and put more new crap on it
• Wait impatiently for MIL to finish making everything that is supposed to go in the room (she really only has a couple of things left, but I am still ridiculously impatient)
• There has got to be something else that needs to be washed
• Have carseat installed

I could probably sit here all day and list things I need to do, but it would inevitably drive me mad.  Instead, I will just sit here and play Solitaire and stew over it. 

Late as usual

I'm sure you are used to it.  Sorry, but I lack the motivation to do most anything these days that does not involve laying on my couch and eating ice cream and brownies.
So I had a great appointment last Wednesday!  As I thought, the baby is continuing to move downward.  I think this will be a good thing when I actually go into labor, but right now it is extrememly uncomfortable and sometimes even painful.  Still no dilation, which is a very good thing.  My doc seems to think that we will make it closer to my due date, but still doesn't think that I have to worry about going past that.  Oh, and I'm measuring a week ahead.  And my weight was AWESOME... YAY!!!

In celebration of this wonderful news, I went immediately to Wendy's and got a cheeseburger and fries.  Then I made an appointment for a prenatal massage.  It was a good day, y'all.  And for the record, the massage was nice, but didn't help with any of the pain or discomfort I've been feeling.

And before I get to the maternity pictures that I promised, I must mention this.  I finally made a decision on my last day of work.  My due date is June 25th.  I would have liked to work up until that point, but I decided to take a few days for myself.  That said, the last day of work is officially on the books as June 18th!  I am so excited!  Now watch, it will be just my luck that Baby J will decide to come on the 17th... ha!

My husband

So far I've managed to blog about everything in my life, except the one person who is on this incredible ride with me, my husband.  He makes me laugh, makes me cry, takes care of me, and drives me insane.  J is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.  To say that I am a lucky girl is an understatement.

I was first attracted to him because he is ridiculously handsome.  He has never met a stranger and has a magnetic personality.  This is where we are complete opposites, and as much as we make each other crazy in this respect, it makes life interesting.  People love him, and sometimes I wonder how it is that he can love me.

It makes me very emotional to think about what an amazing father he will be, and in many ways already is.  My greatest hope for our children is that they will be just like their Daddy... giving, confident, hilarious, caring, intelligent, hard working, and worldly.

J is my other half.  My better half.  I look up to him and in many ways would love to be just like him.  He is a leader.  He is the life of the party.  He is my husband.  And for that, I could not be more thankful.

And just as a teaser... we took maternity pictures this past Saturday and the proofs are ready!  I will post a few tomorrow with an update of my 35 week appointment.

I have a pain in my...

I'm sure you can probably finish that thought.  And yes, it is in pain.  As are my hips.  And my back.  Not that I'm complaining.  Every day I roll out of bed thinking, "This is it.  This is the day my child is just going to fall out of my hooha."  Because it really feels like that, y'all.

I am enjoying a doctor free week, though.  So far, no problems to note!  Now I just have to figure out how me and my sore lower half are going to sit through three hours of class three nights in a row.  Ugh.  Torture.

I think that the pain in my butt has been exaggerated by my experiences with Babies R Us.  Who knew it could be so difficult to order a travel system online?  I won't even get into all that because it was a long, arduous process that I'm sure no one cares to hear about.  And it involved a lot of expletives... of course, not directed at any BRU employee because I did manage to mind my manners.

And to top it all off, J and I realized that the "gift card" they gave us back in February expired just a few short weeks later!  Now that really burned me up.  One hundred big ones down the drain.  I find it to be piss poor customer service that they could not bother to mention this one tiny little insignificant ::eye roll:: detail to us as we stood in the store being rung up, cancelling the order because they forgot the gift card, rung up again, and all the while me writhing in pain from my bout with kidney stones.  I can feel my blood pressure rising. 

Well, if the baby does happen to fall out anytime soon, it will have a nice travel system.

It has been a rough week

I am tired.  And bored.  This is all I have the brains for at the moment.

• How far along?: 33 weeks.
• Total weight gain: I don’t think I want to talk about it….
• How big is baby?: the size of a honeydew
• Maternity clothes?: Absolutely
• Stretch marks?: Still none!
• Sleep?: Is getting painful, but still overall pretty good.
• Best moment this week?: The doctor said that she is satisfied that I haven’t made much more progress and can hold off on seeing me for two weeks!
• Movement?: Constantly and I love it!
• Food cravings?: Sweets, of course. And peanut butter.
• Gender?: I am still leaning towards boy, though I have nothing to base that on.
• Labor signs?: Having contractions, 20% effaced, between -3 and -2 station
• Belly button in or out?: It has been flat since about 20 weeks.
• What I miss: My body. Surprised I didn’t say wine? Guess what… I miss that, too.
• What I'm looking forward to: Every afternoon when I can go home and put my swollen feet up.
• Milestone: Every day that the baby stays in and keeps cooking is a milestone.
• Weekly Wisdom: Don’t look at your ass. You won’t recognize it anyway and it ain’t pretty.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program

Good news!  Baby J has only dropped slightly more from my last appointment and everything else is about the same.  Bottom line, I'm not on bed rest and Baby still sounds good!  YAY!

You may all breathe a sigh of relief now.  Kidding, but seriously I appreciate the good thoughts and prayers!

I'm trapped in a glass case of emotion

And I'm about to buy myself a one way ticket to the crazy house.  I can call it that because I've had relatives there, y'all... more on that later, maybe.

Anyway, I just don't feel quite right.  For example, I can breathe.  Most people don't see this as a problem, in fact they appreciate it.  However, I am cursing my body because I have a feeling it means that my baby has dropped a little more.  No more heartburn, no more feeling like I am going to explode after eating just one cupcake- because really, who eats just ONE cupcake?

I'm also pretty swollen today.  My rings were very difficult to get off when I got up this morning and my shoes were hard to get on.  The scale showed that I have gained 7 pounds in like 3 days.  Okay, so maybe this has more to do with the fact that I ate Chinese food last night and I'm retaining water like a sonofabitch?  Details.  Whatever.

So, I'm anxious.  Methinks there is a possibility that the doc may decide I need to stay off of my feet to help ensure that the leetle one doesn't make his debut too early.  And it scares the hell out of me to think about what happens if he does.  Will he be healthy?  Will he have to stay in the hospital long?  Because we live an hour away from the hospital and that would be pure torture.  I will do anything I can to keep my baby safe and healthy, even if I have to be on bed rest until my due date, June 25th.  But, I digress...

(Sorry, but does that phrase now make you think of the FedEx presentation commercial?  It makes me laugh!  Now back to me.)

As I was saying, I just don't feel good.  My hips hurt, I'm not sleeping as well, and I pretty much feel like I've been kicked in the crotch.  Something just doesn't feel right, so now to top it off I have this foreboding sense of being put on bed rest for at least the next three weeks.

And finally, as if my child's health and my finances weren't enough... because let's face it, I would not work another day at this job if it weren't for money... I'm also staring graduation dead in the eye and knowing that if I am put on bed rest that I can kiss my MBA goodbye for at least another 7 months.  And all I have to do is finish this one class that lasts 7 weeks in the summer.  What a pisser.

The appointment is in 23ish hours.  Keep your fingers crossed for a healthy baby and no bed rest!  Or else I swear I will update you every day on the latest happenings of the Jerry Springer show and Montel Williams.  Hmmm, do those even come on anymore?  But I digress...  ::gigglesnort:: 

Looney bin, y'all.

My breakfast was better than yours

I bet no one can top what I had for breakfast yesterday morning. J said he wanted eggs. I looked at him like he had lost his mind... if I was cooking, he was getting cereal or an english muffin. That is how I roll in the mornings, especially mornings that do not involve coffee (which is Monday-Thursday and I treat myself on weekends... don't judge).  However, he said he was cooking. Alrighty then.

Note to self: do not leave husband in the kitchen unattended.

I walked in and he told me not to look. This was the first sign that something could be potentially wrong and/or harmful to my health. When breakfast was ready, my eggs were very colorful. This was sign number two.

So what did he actually cook for me to eat? What was so special about these eggs? They were semi-scrambled, more omeletish.  ISH.  And these eggs included red bell peppers, onions, black beans, and hot dog weenies.

Yep, I said hot dog weenies. Told you my breakfast was better than yours.

I have an impatient child

Sooo, it looks like Little J is no longer completely content with staying in Mama's ute.  That is pretty much what the doctor said yesterday.  Okay, maybe not in those exact words, but you get the idea.

Currently, my cervix is about 20% thinned and the baby is at a -3.  I wasn't exactly sure what that -3 meant, so my lovely friend Tarra googled it for me- and subsequently scared the hell out of me.  Here is what she found:

Okay, so now that we are all schooled let's move on to what this means.  The long and short of it is that the doctor does not think Little J is wanting to wait till the end of June.  In fact, I believe what she said was, "our goal is to make it through May."

That just cut my wait time in half, y'all*.  Seriously.  Poor J is freaked out.  The good news is that she did not put me on bed rest or pelvic rest, but she does want to see me again next week.  Until then, I guess it is business as usual!

*It is still possible that I may make it to full term.  Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Lesson learned

Remember the post where I talked about all of the things I "can't wait" for?  Well, it turns out that I actually CAN wait.  As in, two days ago I was told there was a possibility my baby could be coming in two weeks.  A minor freakout, along with some bed rest, was involved.

I started having some contractions late Tuesday afternoon, although I wasn't entirely sure that A. that is definitely what they were or B. that it wasn't somewhat normal at this stage.  I went to bed that night a little uncomfortable, but nothing that worried me too much.

Wednesday morning I seemed fine, until I headed to work.  On my hour and a half commute, I started having them again.  I wasn't really counting because I was busy manuevering through traffic, but I knew it wasn't normal.  They slowed down when I got to work, but picked up again shortly thereafter.

At 9:21 I started keeping notes of when I was having them.  9:21, 9:28, 9:35, 9:58, 10:06, 10:13... it was time to call the doctor.  As I figured, they had me come in.  I sat for 20 minutes for a Non-Stress Test, which proved that I was having minor contractions.  The longer I sat still and relaxed, the more they eased up, but I still had five in that 20 minute period.

Oh, and did I mention that my blood pressure was up?  Normally, it runs around 100/60, but this morning it was 122/80.  Not alarmingly high by any means, but still high for me.  The doctor did an internal to see if I was dilated and also did a swab test (fibrosomethingorother).  She said my cervix was still closed, but was irritated... much like the rest of me was at that point.  I kid. 

The results from the swab test would not be in until later that evening, possibly the next morning.  This test would tell whether the sac had started to separate from the uterine wall, or something like that.  Basically, whether or not the baby was in danger of being delivered in the next two weeks.  I was ordered to be on strict bed rest immediately until we had the results.

I will not bore you with the details of my bed rest because it was BO-RING.  Seriously.  Bed rest is not for me, thankyouverymuch.  And if I have to go back on for some reason, or if this kid comes early, he or she will literally be grounded from birth. 

Thankfully, the test was negative! ::big sigh of relief::  Because my blood pressure was still elevated and I was still having a few contractions, I had to stay home yesterday.  Now I'm back at work, and the news isn't all good.  I've been told to keep track of my BP, and luckily my ILs have this nifty leetle machine that will take it for me.  I've taken it a couple of times today and it had gotten pretty high again after getting back to normal yesterday evening.

Keep your fingers crossed that the contractions stay away for a few more weeks... both for Baby J's health and for my sanity.  I'm ready for him or her to be here, but not now.  Besides, what am I going to blog about if I'm sitting on my ass at home all day?  I'm sure y'all don't want recaps of the latest happenings on The Young & The Restless.

I have friends, cameras aren't one of them

I have decided that I like showers, and I dislike cameras.  Methinks I look like a whale in most pictures.  That is fine, of course, but I just wish I was one of those cute pregnant girls (like my friend Pippy).  Instead, I get the skin of a 13 year old and a tank ass.  And I don't mean tank ass in a good way.

So I walk in the front door of my cousin's house and she says, "Wow, look at you!"  And I immdiately look down at my belly and say something along the lines of "thanks" or "I know."  I'm not really sure what I said.  And she replies, "Thaaat's not what I was referring to."  Yes, the girls are huge.  I know.

Although I was utterly exhausted before I even managed to set foot inside the door, the day was wonderful.  I have a great family and they really did too much.  Baby Jacks was greatly celebrated and came home with some very nice gifts, including a handmade afghan from my brother's girlfriend.  I was seriously impressed.  The girl took time out of doing research for her PhD to learn how to knit from a book.  I wish I had that kind of initiative.  Oh well, maybe in my next lifetime.

Because I am usually so slack with pictures, I was determined to do better even though it made me late for work this morning... and I'm obviously getting a lot accomplished since I'm blogging, right? 

Me with my lovely Mama

30 weeks!

We really are in the short rows now

Short rows, an old saying if you have no clue what I'm talking about.  Basically, we are nearing the end.  Exciting, yes... scary, damn right.  But you want to know what is even scarier?  Contractions.

Yes, I know that in order to have the baby there will be contractions involved.  I just didn't think they would happen this early.  In my professional opinion, they are probably just Braxton Hicks and completely normal.  However, the doc did not say BH.  She simply said contractions.  That is enough to induce any sane 30 week pregnant woman to cross her legs tightly and panic. 

That is where we currently stand.  Only 10 weeks left, more or less.  Holy hell.

The wait is over!

Because I know y'all have just been waiting on pins & needles, right?  In my world, y'all are all nodding your heads with great enthusiasm.

The patient educator from my doctor's office called me at 5:30 yesterday evening.  Now, anytime the patient educator calls, it is not a good sign.  Usually, it is because she needs to set an appointment to sit down and chat with you... about your diabeetus and what not.

Imagine my surprise when she non-chalantly said, "You passed."  Do-huh?  Apparently, my numbers were great.  So I immediately called my mama and ordered up this:

(minus the oranges and such)

for her to bring with her this weekend.  "This" is actually out of the Southern Living Christmas 2009 magazine and is listed as a Chocolate-Citrus Cake with Candied Oranges (http://find.myrecipes.com/recipes/recipefinder.dyn?action=displayRecipe&recipe_id=1940908) 

We are purists when it comes to chocolate and prefer not to mix it with citrus, hence the negation of the oranges and such.  So basically, it is just chocolate and more chocolate (ganache).  But who doesn't like that? 

I plan to eat as much as I possibly can, but I also have to save room for the goodies that will be served Saturday at my shower!

The 3-Hour

My three hour glucose test really wasn't terrible.  I mean, if you can get past having your arm stabbed four times and almost dying of sugar overload, lack of sustenance, and massive withdrawls of blood.  But whatevs.

This day was... interesting.  And that, my friends, is one hell of an understatement.  I don't even know if I can convey the hilarity that ensued, but I will give it a shot.

To begin, I did not have an appointment.  Well, I mean, I made an appointment.  They just didn't write it down.  But never fear!  Albertha will take care of her baby!  I would be the baby and Albertha would be the lovely Jamaican woman who tried not to put her baby in too much pain.  And yes, she seriously referred to me as "my baby" the entire three hours. 

For example, "Oh baby, how long did it take you to drive here?  On no baby!  Oh my baby, but we have another office closer to you baby.  And what is my baby going to do afterward?  Well, I'm going to take good care of my baby."  This went on for the entire three hours.

It was actually quite pleasant.  These days you get so used to the fact that most people can't bother to be nice that when someone really is nice you kind of have to savor the moment.  Albertha was awesome.  So awesome that I didn't even cuss when she stabbed me that final time.  It hurt like a bitch.

Oh, and I'll leave you with one more gem from Albertha.  After my second draw, she walked into the room across the hall.  As I was examining my wound, I heard her call out, "Baby, do you need your diaper changed?"  I quickly looked up and glanced around only to realize that she was speaking to ME.  Umm, what?  Does she think that I pooped myself or something?  I must have had an extremely distressed look on my face because Albertha laughed and asked if I needed to go to the restroom.  Didn't I tell you my day was interesting?

And in case you are wondering, I don't have my results back yet.  But just in case, I went home after my test and had a slice of coconut cake, and small taste of chocolate cake, and a popsicle, and a mini Cadbury egg.  Yeah, it sounds gross now when I see it in print.  But hey, you never know, right?

I can't wait!

Lately, I find myself saying "I can't wait" about something child related almost every day.  For example:

• I can't wait to see my baby.
• I can't wait to find out if it is a boy or a girl.
• I can't wait to buy cute little outfits and spend a ridiculous amount of money on said outfits.
• I can't wait until maternity leave.
• I can't wait until our first Christmas with the baby.
• I can't wait until I can sleep through the night.
• I can't wait until I can fit into my old clothes.
• I can't wait to rock my baby to sleep.
• I can't wait until I can enjoy a glass of wine with my husband.

This list could go on forever.  And each time I think or say these things, I have to remind myself to slow down.  Yes, those things will be great.  And eventually I will do each one of them.

But for today, in this moment, I need to remember to enjoy it.  I need to remember to enjoy these last few weeks that I have left.  And I guess I will conclude this post with my list of Things I Hope I Always Remember (2nd Trimester).

• The first baby kicks.
• The first time J felt the baby kick.  And yes, he laughed.
• How scary it was having those first pains from the kidney stone and being more worried for my child than I was for myself.  And feeling like I would rather deal with the pain than hear my baby's heart rate drop because of the drugs.
• How amazing my husband was and how calm he was when I was hurting so badly and when we were in the hospital.  He held my hand the whole time and even took me to the bathroom because I was so drugged that I couldn't go by myself.
• Seeing our baby at the 20 week ultrasound and finding out that s/he was healthy and growing perfectly.  And how hard it was to tell them that we did not want to find out the sex!
• Watching my belly get larger each week and seeing how my husband just adores it.
• My mom crying the first time she felt the baby kick.
• Duke laying his head on my belly every night before bed.
• Being startled because the baby kicked me so hard in the ribs that it made me jump.
• Feeling like the baby was trying to climb out of my throat.
• Getting my first "stranger comments" because I finally looked pregnant.

Every moment of this pregnancy has been a blessing.  I consider us to be extremely fortunate and I do not ever want to look back and feel that I took one minute for granted.

One year ago today, the death knell rang

Yes people, I can talk about something else besides my baby and my dog.  But seriously, my dog is precious, right?

As I was saying, one year ago today I got some incredibly painful news.  I found out I was losing a very good friend.  It was like losing part of my family.  And though I knew that I would survive, in that moment it felt like the world was coming to an end.  This was no April Fool's joke. 

My beloved Guiding Light had been cancelled.  Now before you start rolling your eyes, let me just say that this was an integral part of my family.  My mother and I laughed, cried, joked, and gossiped about all of the happenings in Springfield, as if it were just down the road.

And for us, maybe it was.  Maybe Reva Shayne was somewhere close by raising a little hell.  Maybe Alan Spaulding was smoking his cigar and hatching evil plans, with that twinkle in his eye, in an office building in the next city.  And just maybe the Bauers were sitting in their kitchen planning the next big Bauer BBQ.

Okay, I'm not delusional, not really.  But it was a nice escape from real life.  It was an hour out of my day that I could spend wrapped up in someone else's drama.  It was exciting and yet it was completely calming because it was familiar.  It was a constant in my life from the time I was little until September 18, 2009 when the light went out in Springfield.

Aside from the entertainment, there were lessons to be learned.  Lessons about love, lessons about character, lessons about friendship and family and how they are what you make them.

So today I will mourn the loss of Guiding Light.  And for good measure, I will give a big middle finger and some choice words to those who destroyed it for their own personal gain.  Because I will never be able to share with my child those laughs and tears that can only come from an hour curled up on the couch with a box of tissues, a diet coke, and extended family that visit to divulge their secrets, their pain, and their joy.

"There is a destiny that makes us brothers, none goes his way alone.  All that we send into the lives of others, comes back into our own."  The Guiding Light~ January 25, 1937- September 18, 2009

I have a Confession (and an update)

First, a little bit of background.  Yesterday was a particularly irritating day.  So what do I do on days when I'm irritated?  I have a milkshake.  Maybe this wasn't the best idea because my 1 hour glucose test was this morning.  Hell, I figured with more than 16 hours till the test I would be fine, right?  And maybe it had no affect, but I still failed my test.  With a 151... FAIL.

Otherwise, everything looked great.  My iron levels and my weight were both really good.  The doctor said that Baby J is perfectly on track and that she isn't even worried about my anks, which I totally blame on my MIL since she has been feeding us for the past two weeks due to the destruction and reconstruction of my kitchen.  I also blame MIL for me possibly catching the diabeetus.  Fingers crossed, hopefully not.

After my appointment, I was starving.  I had not eaten since about 6pm the day before, and even them all I had was a couple of veggie spring rolls.  As a treat to myself because I totally deserved it, I had this for lunch...

Yes, that is a double and the fries and Diet Coke were medium. 

Feel free to drool (sorry to my non-meat eating friends).  It was damn good.  But WAIT, that is not the confession.  The confession is...

I want another one.

I better just hang this on my fridge now as a warning.

My ankles have ankles

Or something like that.  I got home from dinner Friday night and they were the size of softballs.  That is no exaggeration... and I wish I had the balls to post the pics.  However, half of my feet (from toes to mid-foot) look like Skeletor and the other half (mid-foot to what used to be my ankle) looks like the Stay-Puft Marshmellow man.  Okay, enough 80's metaphors.

Since I'm not going to post pics of my feet, I'll post pics of something else.  I'm confined to the couch for the day, so I have nothing else to do.

So here we have the snow that I promised you weeks ago, 24 week belly pics, and PLENTY of pictures of my baby dog!  You're welcome.  Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend while I'm laid up on the couch!

My new best friend

Okay, so Saturday night I did not sleep worth a shit.  My hips hurt, my legs hurt, and I just could not get comfortable.  When I do not sleep, I am pretty close to a raging bitch the next day.  Needless to say, this problem had to be remedied immediately, if not sooner.  Enter, my new best friend....

My only issue with the Snoogle, purchased at Babies R Us, is that it is a little hard to readjust your position while sleeping under mounds of covers- as I am apt to do.  This issue is minor compared to tossing and turning all night and wanting to kill my husband because he dares to sleep while I lay there staring at the ceiling. 

Oh, speaking of staring at the ceiling, not a problem with the Snoogle.  It actually keeps me from rolling on to my back during the night.  SCORE.  Snoogle- highly recommended, with the added bonus of being fun to say.  SNOOOOGLE.  (You just said it didn't you?  Told ya!)

99 days and a lesson in mommyhood

Down to double digits.  I am very pleased and yet sad to be able to say that.  Yesterday, Little J was moving around and I could actually see it from the outside, just slight movements.  And then a whopping big kick when I started laughing.  Seeing that baby move is nothing short of miraculous.  And yet, it made me a little sad.  I am so curious and excited to meet him or her, but I now know exactly how much I am going to miss these movements and little kicks.  I am going to miss this time that I have my baby all to myself to enjoy and laugh with.  Only 99 more days....

I have also realized that gone are the days of it being just me, J, and Duke.  Everything has already changed.  This little one must be thought of in every decision we make.  So how exactly did I learn this lesson?  I went to bed last night around my same time, 9pm and yes I know those days are coming to an end (99 days, duh).  The phone rang, waking me from the deepest of sleeps, at approximately 10:40pm.  I was furious!  Not only because I had been startled from my sleep, but so had Little J.  Oh yes.  That baby kicked for probably about the next hour.  Undoubtedly, because we had both been woken up and are both incredibly grumpy when woken.  The baby isn't here yet, and already we are learning so much.

As of last Friday, only 15 weeks left!

It's that time again!  Well, not that I've been doing anything on a regular basis, but whatever.

• How far along?: 25 weeks.



• Total weight gain: The doctor says 15lbs, I say 26.


• How big is baby?: the size of am eggplant.


• Maternity clothes?: Yes, please


• Stretch marks?: Not yet and hoping it stays that way!


• Sleep?: Waking up a couple of times during the night, but otherwise sleeping very well.


• Best moment this week?:  Hearing the baby's heartbeat at the doctor's office and getting a good check up.


• Movement?: Very consistent and a lot stronger. I swear the kid almost broke one of my lower ribs the other night.


• Food cravings?: Anything sweet.


• Gender?: Deep down I still think it is a boy.


• Labor signs?: Nope.


• Belly button in or out?: Pretty much flat.


• What I miss: Sitting out in the sun with a glass of wine. Or sitting on my couch with a glass of wine. I miss wine.


• What I'm looking forward to: Getting the furniture all put together and set up.


• Milestone: J can actually see my belly move when the baby kicks now!


• Weekly Wisdom: Read up on all of the unpleasant things that can happen during pregnancy. It is nice to be forewarned.

Last appointment in 2nd Tri

Aaaaahhhhh!!!  Where the hell is the time going?  Someone please remind me to breathe.  I think I have been so focused on schoolwork that I have lost track of time.  I did finish my research project, though!

My appointment today was pretty uneventful, which is a good thing.  The doctor was running extremely late and kept me waiting for about 45 minutes.  Oh well, what can you do?  It did kind of irritate me that she just zoomed in and tried really hard to zoom out.  Sorry sista, I gots questions.

Anyway, I'm still measuring on time and the baby's heart rate was 148.  And for the first time EVAH, my weight was right where it needed to be... bring on the chocolate! 

Hershey Hugs and Reese Cups... my flavors of the month

But as I mentioned, I did have some questions.  Like, what the hell is up with my belly button?  Not because it is getting flat, but because after 5 or so months of not have a belly ring it has decided to become somewhat infected (not in a scary gross way, just annoying).  Also, why do my upper legs feel like I've run a marathon by the time I get home every day.  I knew the answer to that one, just thought I'd throw it out there.  And can the baby reach my ribs yet?  Because I think he broke one last night.

I know, none of that was really important.  However, I should get more than just a 30 second drive by after I've been waiting for 45 minutes, right?  Maybe?  No?  Am I gaining a false sense of entitlement?  Meh, whatever.

Next appointment is in three weeks instead of the usual four since my doc will be out of town.  Oh, and I get to drink the sensational glucola drink that I've heard so much about *feigns excitement*  

I will have the pleasure of savoring the deliciousness of the fruit punch glucola drink.

On second thought, maybe I should hold off on those Hugs and Reese Cups....

While I was procrastinating

I know I should be finishing my massive research project that is due on Thursday *gasp*  Instead, I am shopping online.  Finally, something I am good at!  I had some Old Navy coupons and I needed a few things, so why not?

http://www.oldnavy.com/

AND, I got some tanks and stuff to bum around in. Yay! A successful day! Errr, well by success I mean that I did get some work done on my project and also got ten items for $82. Gotta love a deal!